Actualidad en verso
La humanidad ha comenzado a recibir señales extraterrestres
Se ha descubierto que (desde hace un montón de tiempo) el planeta Tierra recibe mensajes encriptados desde alguna parte del universo. Desde que se supo esta noticia, nuestro poeta Zambayonny empezó a catalogar las esperanzas y los miedos de cada mortal. Esta edición de «Actualidad en verso» es un compendio imperdible de ojalás que no se pueden perder.
La Tierra prendió la radio
y desplegó sus antenas
para saber si allá afuera
nos ganan el solitario
de pronto lo literario
chocó con la realidad
porque llegó una señal
que determina el misterio
y rompe la ley de medios
en el silencio espacial.
Ojalá sean pacifistas
desean los asesinos
que no sean langostinos
piden los animalistas
por favor que dios no exista
rezan los excomulgados
ojalá no estén casados
sueñan las viudas de Tinder
quién se entrega no se rinde
juran los analizados.
La teoría pochoclera
metió a todos en el baile
si ahora mandan el tráiler
mañana la peli entera
igual de cualquier manera
tenemos que ser prudentes
porque ya hay alguna gente
diciendo sin más cuidado
que viene codificado
porque es porno extraterrestre.
Ojalá que sean blanquitos
esperan los mas oscuros
que no vengan del futuro
imploran los modernitos
más vale que sean poquitos
ansían las mayorías
que tengan buena energía
repiten los más tilingos
y exigen que no sean lindos
los del club de la autoestima.
Tal vez nos están contando
que tendremos una cita
y como buena visita
avisan que están llegando
o quizás están mandando
desde el espacio exterior
los numeritos de Lost
o algo por el estilo
por las dudas mi vecino
ya dice que los jugó.
Ojalá que nos revienten
suplican los deprimidos
ojalá que estén perdidos
susurran los presidentes
ojalá no sean valientes
murmuran los pendencieros
si vienen traigan dinero
gritan los materialistas
y llaman los egoístas
a todos de compañeros.
Pegate a la Siete Mares
y armate bien de paciencia
que «Total interferencia»
hoy suena en pianos y bares
el Bromas volvió a Señales
con un discurso vegano
los parásitos dejaron
la ve corta en su maizal
y se olvidó de batear
la B12 haciendo estragos.
Ojalá que no nos toquen
ruegan los antivacunas
ojalá que traigan frula
se ríen mis amigotes
seguro que son pavotes
confían los optimistas
podrían ser comunistas
titula el Miami Herald
y ojalá que no nos vean
dicen los cortos de vista.
Relato de ficción
Por qué mueren los terrícolas
Ana María Shúa tiene un amigo extraterrestre que no entiende algunas costumbres terrestres. Ejemplo, la muerte. Por eso hace preguntas que no son fáciles de responder.
Columna de opinión
Mi secta es más grande que la tuya
Todo acabaría ese año. 2012 fue la época preferida para las sectas, los ritos sexuales, las vírgenes menores de edad y los mesías orgiásticos. Un cóctel que Gabriela Wiener conoce de sobra.
Libros y literatura
Viaje a las estrellas
El escritor inglés M. John Harrison, un capo de la ciencia ficción, llega a Buenos Aires para participar de la nueva edición del FILBA. Y Eugenia Zicavo, para estar a tono con la visita, se puso a leer su novela Nova Swing. Resultado: quedó completamente deslumbrada, y así lo cuenta.
Editorial
La mierda, minuto a minuto
Son tiempos veloces; se eliminó el análisis, que ocupaba demasiado tiempo, y se empezó a aplaudir a la síntesis, que ocupa ciento cuarenta caracteres.
Relato de ficción
Mi hijo nunca será una estrella
Un ama de casa de barrio recibe un video por correo. Es una película porno. En la tapa, su hijo veinteañero. Así empieza un relato divertidísimo de Nick Hornby, exclusivo para Orsai.
Cartas
La bronca contra la India se me vino encima
Es la segunda vez que Juan Sklar nos escribe desde la India. Sumido en un debate entre el amor y el odio, el asco y el placer. Una carta con animales, planteos existenciales y escenas de culpa explícita.
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