Veinte cosas que piensa un tano cuando pisa la Argentina
Turistas italianos en Buenos Aires. Gob. de la Ciudad.

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Antonio Moschella es napolitano y trabajó como corresponsal en Buenos Aires durante casi un año. Le preguntamos qué ve un italiano cuando llega a un país que es un calco borroneado del suyo.

En noviembre de 2013, a pocos días de cumplir los treinta años de vida, me vine a Argentina sin boleto de regreso. Pensaba que yéndome a trece mil kilómetros de distancia de mi Nápoles natal iba a extrañar algo. Pero no fue así, para nada. Porque hasta aterrizar en Ezeiza no sabía que era un tano. Sabía ser napolitano. Pero la decapitación del adjetivo geográfico que me había acompañado hasta entonces me dio otro ser.  

Los aspectos que más me flashearon en mi vida en Buenos Aires, donde viví como un extranjero sin sentirme tal, fueron más de similitud que de diferencia con mi placenta original.

Les voy a compartir algunos.

Uno

Ya de primera el remís del aeropuerto me quiso garcar. Eso en Nápoles es pan de cada día. Así que negocié y llegamos a un acuerdo. En euros. Cuando el chabón se saltó el peaje y la barra dio encima del coche me di cuenta de quién había garcado al otro. Mientras, no pude contener la risa.

Due

En el sur de Italia los paseos peatonales están despintados y no sirven. En Buenos Aires a los dos minutos me di cuenta de que también. Lo mismo pasaba con las bocinas de los autos. Un sonido de fondo que no me hizo extrañar los tiempos en los que iba con mi Vespa por la ciudad y tocaba la bocina cuando ganaba mi equipo. Y al pedo también.

Tre 

Jamás vi pizzas tan altas. Y tan grasientas. Nada que ver con las nuestras, pero aprendí a apreciarlas. También porque no me quedaba más remedio. Pero comí por primera vez una fainá en mi vida, sin saber que venía de Génova.

Quattro

Tardé poco en hacerme amigos. Un poco más en hacerme invitar a las previas antes de las salidas. Pero, después de haber roto esta barrera, la casa de mis amigos era mi casa. Y no hacía falta concretar una visita. Me pasaba por ahí y listo.

Cinque

Gritamos igual. Hasta los gestos con las manos son los mismos. Parece que entre microcentro e Italia hay una puerta de teletransporte eterna.

Sei

Eso sí. Nosotros la pizza la hacemos en horno de leña (en Nápoles). Y con mozzarella, no con muzarela. Y, por supuesto, ¡sin ananá!

Sette

En el sur de Italia también nos damos besos con los varones cuando nos vemos. Pero no nos llamamos «hijo de puta» al saludarnos.

Otto

En el fútbol todos quieren atacar. Y todos se sienten Riquelme. Cuando a unos chicos les dije que era defensor me hice querer enseguida. Ahora son amigos para siempre. Dentro y fuera de la cancha.

Nove

Las distancias no se miden en minutos, sino en cuadras. Porque ahi son una medida medio universal. Lo que pasa es que Nápoles tiene más de dos mil años y ahí las cuadras no sabemos ni lo que son. Somos como demasiado vetustos para calcular. Tiramos medidas temporales al azar.

Dieci

Tuve que aprender a hacerme el boludo. En todos los sentidos. Porque me llamaban «boludo» todo el tiempo.

Undici

En Buenos Aires todo es tarde. Hasta cuando tiene hora y fecha. Una vez mis amigos de Banfield me invitaron a ver el partido contra Independiente. Era a las 20. A las 19 estábamos fuera de la cancha cuando nos comunicaron que se había postergado a las 22. «Esto es Argentina», me dijeron a carcajadas. Casi a gritos. Ni que fuera Esparta…

Dodici

Aprendí que ustedes manejan el tiempo como quieren. Hasta cuando hablan. «Y bueno viste qué sé yo» me pareció la frase sin sentido más larga del mundo. Pero ahora yo también la recito como un mantra.

Tredici

Todos quieren aprovecharse de alguien. Todos son garcas. Pero todos, absolutamente todos en Buenos Aires pagan el boleto del bondi o del subte. En Nápoles queremos garcar a todos y ni pagamos el transporte público (que es malísimo).

Quattordici

Las milanesas de ustedes son mejores. Y hasta me atrevo a decirles que algunos vinos también. Eso sí, la Nutella le da mil vueltas al dulce de leche. Perdón por la sinceridad.

Quindici

Soy un impaciente. Soy adrenalínico desde nacimiento. En Buenos Aires aprendí el significado y la aplicación de la palabra «bancar». Y aprendí a bancar. Y bancar… Hasta el infinito.

Sedici

Los bares que dan con las ventanas semi abiertas a la calle me fascinan. De ahí veía transcurrir la vida y me embriagaba de polución y olor a papas fritas. Más en Almagro, donde resuena el tango en cualquier rincón.

Diciassette

Hablando de tango. Tomé algunas clases pero soy un queso. Pero les di pena a todos por ser extranjero y después de varias clases algo aprendí. Aprendí a no intentarlo más.

Diciotto

Dejé de pedir un café para tomarlo así nomás y rajar. En general, dejé de pedir cafés. Y eso fue duro para alguien que se tomaba cinco o seis espressos por día. Me pasé al mate.

Diciannove

Vi más fútbol y vida en la calle que en cualquier rincón europeo que pisé. Y jamás sentí tanta vida y tanta humanidad.

Venti

Las calles de Buenos Aires rebosan de nostalgia. De una nostalgia que sentí cuando el sonido del bandoneón acompañaba mis primeros pasos en Ezeiza. Me zambullí en el pasado yendo hacia el futuro. Desde el primer momento me sentí un extranjero menos y un ciudadano más. A trece mil kilómetros de mi cuna.


Antonio Moschella en La Boca, Argentina, rezando.

Postdata

Amamos a Maradona a con la misma intensidad. Ah no, eso no. Los napolitanos lo amamos mucho más que ustedes.

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Orsai guillermo moschella 01:45:18 - 05/04/2020

yo soy moschella de apellido, de argentina buenos aires ciudad de la plata, se que tengo descendientes en italia

Orsai Cris 19:40:20 - 26/02/2019

Mi hijo trabajo en Miami en un restaurante de dos hermanos italianos. Hoy vive en España. Y siempre me dice que los argentinos somos italianos que hablan español. Saludos.

Orsai Eduardo 22:56:25 - 25/02/2019

Muchas veces se tiene a confundir "porteños" con argentinos y la diferencia es sustancial.

Orsai Elda Larrucea 02:34:50 - 07/02/2019

Che Tano, que toque final que grande Maradona; y te lo dice una mujer.

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Buenísimo.

Orsai Cesar Raggio 19:23:27 - 05/02/2019

Boludazo el tano, nocierto? Qué se yo, viste? Un garca que me hizo mear de risa. Qué 'Hijo de Puta' hermoso.

Orsai Daniel Boasso 17:03:16 - 05/02/2019

Muy buena descripción de nuestra forma de vida. Cuando venís de estar tiempo afuera, ves éstas cosas mas claramente, como un extranjero.

Orsai Martín Miraglia 14:09:19 - 05/02/2019

Como descendiente de italiano, que ha sabido recibir parientes del sur de Italia en casa, digo... totalmente de acuerdo!! Jajaja!!

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