Tinder y el chico de la belleza mestiza
Encuentro en un bar. Shutterstock.

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Audio RevistaOrsai.com Tinder y el chico de la belleza mestiza

En la penúltima entrega de esta historia, Josefina Fonseca se sigue adentrando en las profundidades de Tinder y extrae una nueva experiencia de la aplicación de citas. Esta vez con un muchacho inteligente, bien parecido y de agradable charla. Veamos qué sucede ahora, porque esta vez todo indica que, por fin, la cosa va a prosperar.

← Viene del segundo capítulo.
Esta es la tercera entrega del experimento sociológico de Josefina Fonseca y la app más popular de citas.


Era una belleza mestiza: rulos definidos, ojos casi chinos, piel tostada. Fotos lindas. Paisajes variados, pero sin ninguna estridencia. Recuerdo haber estado a una milésima de segundo de darle superlike. El superlike es un recurso limitado que le avisa a la persona en cuestión que querés darle aviso de que te gustó, algo que no permite un like  tradicional. No sé cuántos son los superlikes que se pueden usar sin pagar la versión premium, pero no son tantos. Al final me dio vergüenza y le di like común. Fue una buena decisión, porque al rato hice match, y creo que incluso fue él el que inició la conversación. ¡Qué subidón! Oh, autoestima, ¿para qué te quiero, si tengo a Tinder para disimular?

Como en el primer encuentro vía app había pecado de inocente, decidí no conformarme con las fotos que exhibía el perfil de Tinder. Intercambiamos entonces cuentas de Instagram. Lo investigué bastante y comprobé que en las fotos en las que lo etiquetaban era exactamente igual que en las fotos que subía él mismo.

A simple charla, nomás, me pareció un chico inteligente. Se había educado en escuela pública, le gustaba hablar de política y había estudiado ciencias exactas. Contador, economista, algo de eso. Siempre creí que el cerebro de las personas que trabajan con números tiene una forma diferente. Menos deforme, tal vez. Más compacto.

Me encantó su manera de resolver la situación. Casi de la nada, mientras me explicaba el funcionamiento del bitcoin, me dijo algo tan simple como «¿a vos te gustaría que, eventualmente, nos conociéramos?». No chamuyó, no forzó la conversación para preparar un terreno propicio, no alardeó. No sé si esa sería su táctica habitual para evitar perder el tiempo o si yo le había interesado como él me había interesado a mí. Lo cierto es que resultó efectivo, porque mi respuesta fue honesta: «Te estaba por preguntar algo parecido». Si lo que yo trataba de hacer era evitar cálculos y especulaciones, ese pibe parecía un buen plan. 


Era el momento más crudo del invierno. Como los dos fumábamos, nos citamos en el patio de un bar al que, increíblemente, llegué yo primero. Si la nicotina me ayudaba a contrarrestar la ansiedad, la intemperie me tenía en estado de alerta. Y la cerveza fría que tomé mientras lo esperaba, en ese patio helado, me hizo pensar en gente posando desnuda en escenarios de nieve.

Creo que lo primero que hice cuando lo vi aparecer fue escrutar que todo fuera como debía ser: los rulos definidos, los ojos casi chinos, la piel tostada. Todo era, en efecto, como debía ser. Y además era canchero: tenía una campera como de crepé celeste con bolsillo en el pecho que había comprado en una feria americana berlinesa, y rico olor y unos cuantos etcéteras. Y, sobre todo, se notaba que le gustaba hablar y escuchar en partes iguales.

Elegimos un sector con una especie de pallet que nos permitía sentarnos como colihué, frente a frente, sin ninguna mesa u objeto en el medio (dicen que el colihué es la postura ideal para recibir cosas buenas) y nos fuimos conociendo un poco más. No creo que sume en nada ensayar un balance «virtualidad» versus «realidad», pero si pienso en las personas que me gustaron de verdad, concluyo en que ninguna de ellas me gustó de forma automática. Yo sabía que no podía pretender que un desconocido me generara instantáneamente mariposas en la panza. Y, sin embargo, estaba ahí porque lo pretendía. 

Tal vez el balance correcto debería ser «expectativa» versus «realidad». A veces mi amiga Yuli me acusa de ser demasiado exigente, y casi siempre tiene razón. Pero yo pregunto: ¿el hecho de haber llegado hasta ahí vía app de citas supone, necesariamente, que si la contraparte es tan linda en vivo como por foto bastará? ¿Habría que contentarse porque el otro es lindo e inteligente, aunque lindo e inteligente aparezcan más como características de CV que como algo que nos moviliza de verdad? ¿Está mal pretender que sea algo más que eso lo que haga avanzar un encuentro, por más casual que ese encuentro vaya a ser? Y pregunto, sobre todo, ¿por qué estaba yo ahí racionalizándolo todo, si se supone que no debería haber en el mundo nada más irracional que el deseo? ¿O a eso también habría que renunciar?

Bueno, no sé, para paliar un poco el frío y suavizar las espinas de mi cerebro, me tomé tres pintas al hilo —con la panza vacía— y fumé como un escuerzo. Para cuando la cita pisaba su final y el muchacho se acercó a darme un beso, sentí que el patio del bar se había caído adentro de un secarropas. Le comenté que estaba mareada, un poco porque era cierto y otro poco como estrategia de evasión. Cuando volvió a acercarse y tuve que volver a cerrar los ojos, le confesé —y esta vez entendí que no podía no advertírselo— que estaba muy mareada.

—¿Querés vomitar? —me preguntó.

—Jaja, ¿cómo voy a querer vomitar? —le contesté.

Un minuto y medio después me estaba enjuagando la boca en el baño de señoritas y descubriendo, vía espejo, que el pibe me vigilaba sonriendo, casi paternalmente, desde la puerta.


Después de vomitar me pasaron dos cosas: la alegría inmensa de recobrar el control sensorial y la certeza de que, aun no tan mareada, tenía un pedo que no me entraba. Es decir: no podía tomar el bondi. Tampoco podía subirme a un taxi y arriesgarme, en ese estado, a viajar sola con un desconocido. Terminé optando por lo que comúnmente llamamos «el mal menor»: invité al pibe a venir a mi casa. Es increíble cómo en un segundo podemos echar por tierra lo que llevó años y lágrimas de aprendizaje.

Con Tinder como vector, amanecí en ese estado plomizo que da la resaca de cerveza y al lado de un pibe al que, aunque no conocía, había creído más seguro que viajar con un taxista. La ecuación parecía ser: más vale usuario de Tinder en tu cama que tachero en su auto. Qué manera más novedosa de establecer familiaridades, ¿no es cierto? 

Me asusté de mí misma aquella vez. ¿Quién me había mandado a forzar de semejante manera un encuentro? ¿Para quién hacía eso? Y, sobre todo, ¿qué era lo que estaba buscando? Cerré Tinder jurándome que nunca, pero nunca, iba a volver a recurrir a él. Pero lo hice, claro. Y esta vez sí fue la última de verdad, porque la app me reveló la peor cosa que quería saber sobre mí misma: me hizo ver que era más fea de lo que creía. ¿Cómo? Ya van a ver en el próximo (y último) capítulo de esta historia.

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